I sat crying in the middle of our bedroom floor, close to hysterics.
Looking up at my husband, Eddie, I honestly said, “Maybe you should send me away somewhere to get help. The emotional pain is TOO much, and I just can’t take it anymore.
I feel hurt.
Forgotten.
And … struggling to find any hope
And it’s all too much to bear.”
I loved God with my whole heart, AND I was STRUGGLING to trust Him with something I was praying desperately about.
And my personality in a nutshell is:
Enneagram 6.
HSP (Highly Sensitive Person)
And ISFJ on the Myers Briggs.
In other words …
I’m ALL about thoughts and feelings!
And it can be a problem when God has you in a long season of waiting.
You see, I had been diligently praying, seeking God for a specific answer to prayer for over 8 years.
That day when I was sitting on the bedroom floor completely falling apart, my heart ached to know where God was in the midst of all the pain.
Again— I LOVED God with ALL my heart, AND I struggled to trust Him fully.
I had questions like:
Where are you, God?
Why me?
What do I need to do – to get you to move on “this answer I desperately wanted.”
And…
How on earth do I keep going and wait for God? And be emotionally and spiritually okay?
I’m guessing I’m not the only one reading this who has felt this way.
Picture in your mind – the “answer you desperately want”.
And maybe, for you at this moment, the word “desperately” is a bit much—
(Remember … enneagram 6, HSP, ISFJ! Hah!)
If you’re in a calmer season of life, then think about something you’re praying for.
How are you feeling today about that answer you’re waiting for?
Maybe you’re feeling full of faith and hopeful.
Or maybe, like me on that bedroom-fall-apart day– you feel forgotten, anxious, and are struggling to trust God.
THAT was my moment of knowing something had to change.
Something HAD to change.
Have you ever felt that way … like something HAD to change? I’d love to hear some of your story.
(Next blogpost will be Part 2: Something HAD to Change)
