I could feel the anxiety beginning to mount, along with the incessant voice in my head listing all the things that are wrong with me.

Why was I triggered?

Why the sneak attack at this moment?

This was a warm group of people… albeit, quirky at times… but this should not be my challenge point!

The accusations were coming fast and steady.

Nobody cares about you.

You have nothing to say.

You’re gonna fumble over your words if you try to have a conversation.

You wore the wrong thing.

Everyone thinks you are fat.

In a span of a few minutes, I was mentally defeated.

Your thoughts create your feelings.

Your feelings create your actions.

Your actions create your results.

(Natalie Bacon)

I was unable to initiate a conversational flow with anyone— or so I told myself— which inevitably… happened.

Standing off by myself, I geared up for another attempt. I asked someone a question, they gave a short answer and proceeded to quickly turn away.


Mentally defeated.

At this point, the goal is to survive the social event, which translates into finding Eddie. I stood next to him, smiled, and let him pleasantly chat while I talked myself off the personal ledge of my own making.

Your thoughts create your feelings.

Your feelings create your actions.

Your actions create your results.

My results were exactly what I had thought they would be.

This is an all too familiar scenario for me, coming from a deep place of insecurity.

Insecurity is a form of fear and lack of confidence.

This is another part of my journey in my life message of growing in faith to release fear. I’ve come to realize that insecurity is an OVER-focus on self, or simply put, selfishness. In my example, my thoughts were, “How can this group, this person, meet my needs?” It can even be a form of pride: a fear of making a mistake.

How about you? Do you struggle with insecure thoughts sabotaging your ability to communicate with others in a relaxed way? Do you face an internal battle of negative self-talk about what others might think of you?

I have a thought to share with you that just might help.

Let’s call it:

Mindset Hack to Fight the Trap of Insecurity:

This is a suggestion a friend shared with me and is not meant to replace a need for professional counseling. It’s a quick tip that could possibly help you win the fight for control of your thoughts in a group setting.

Imagine this with me…

You are about to walk into a room of people that potentially could trigger insecurity.  Maybe it’s a large family gathering, or church, or an office party… or…  ______________________________(fill-in-the-blank). As you enter the room, intentionally have the attitude of ‘THERE you are’ instead of ‘HERE I am’ with every person you come in contact with. In your mind, picture yourself saying in a cheerful, sing-song-y way as you approach others ‘THERE you are!’

Can you catch the difference?

THERE you are rather than… HERE I am… or ta-da, I’m here!

A ‘There you are‘ attitude changes the energy you’re bringing; it flips the focus from self to others. It reminds you to be attentive to the needs of others rather than being caught up in how others are NOT meeting your needs.

Managing your thoughts is giving directions to yourself on how to think and what to think. This ‘mindset hack’ is a proactive approach to intentionally focus on others before insecurity gets the best of you.


The most important thing I can say is to always rely on the power of the Holy Spirit. He is the ultimate coach!

John 14:16-17 (New Life Version)

“Then I will ask My Father and He will give you another Helper. He will be with you forever. He is the Spirit of Truth.

The following verses also encourage me to keep working on this area of my life:

Philippians 2:3-4 (New Life Version)

Nothing should be done because of pride or thinking about yourself. Think of other people as more important than yourself.  Do not always be thinking about your own plans only. Be happy to know what other people are doing.”

I Chronicles 16:11 (NLV)

“Look to the Lord and ask for His strength. Look to Him all the time.”

I would love to hear from you. Do you struggle with insecurity in group settings? And… if your someone I might run into out in the world, look for the twinkle in my eye next time we meet and know that I’m thinking… THERE you are!