I could feel the anxiety beginning to mount, along with the incessant voice in my head listing all the things that are wrong with me.
Why was I triggered?
Why the sneak attack at this moment?
This was a warm group of people… albeit, quirky at times… but this should not be my challenge point!
The accusations were coming fast and steady.
Nobody cares about you.
You have nothing to say.
You’re gonna fumble over your words if you try to have a conversation.
You wore the wrong thing.
Everyone thinks you are fat.
In a span of a few minutes, I was mentally defeated.
Your thoughts create your feelings.
Your feelings create your actions.
Your actions create your results.
(Natalie Bacon)
I was unable to initiate a conversational flow with anyone— or so I told myself— which inevitably… happened.
Standing off by myself, I geared up for another attempt. I asked someone a question, they gave a short answer and proceeded to quickly turn away.
Triggered.
Mentally defeated.
At this point, the goal is to survive the social event, which translates into finding Eddie. I stood next to him, smiled, and let him pleasantly chat while I talked myself off the personal ledge of my own making.
Your thoughts create your feelings.
Your feelings create your actions.
Your actions create your results.
My results were exactly what I had thought they would be.
This is an all too familiar scenario for me, coming from a deep place of insecurity.
Insecurity is a form of fear and lack of confidence.
This is another part of my journey in my life message of growing in faith to release fear. I’ve come to realize that insecurity is an OVER-focus on self, or simply put, selfishness. In my example, my thoughts were, “How can this group, this person, meet my needs?” It can even be a form of pride: a fear of making a mistake.
How about you? Do you struggle with insecure thoughts sabotaging your ability to communicate with others in a relaxed way? Do you face an internal battle of negative self-talk about what others might think of you?
I have a thought to share with you that just might help.
Let’s call it:
Mindset Hack to Fight the Trap of Insecurity:
This is a suggestion a friend shared with me and is not meant to replace a need for professional counseling. It’s a quick tip that could possibly help you win the fight for control of your thoughts in a group setting.
Imagine this with me…
You are about to walk into a room of people that potentially could trigger insecurity. Maybe it’s a large family gathering, or church, or an office party… or… ______________________________(fill-in-the-blank). As you enter the room, intentionally have the attitude of ‘THERE you are’ instead of ‘HERE I am’ with every person you come in contact with. In your mind, picture yourself saying in a cheerful, sing-song-y way as you approach others ‘THERE you are!’
Can you catch the difference?
THERE you are rather than… HERE I am… or ta-da, I’m here!
A ‘There you are‘ attitude changes the energy you’re bringing; it flips the focus from self to others. It reminds you to be attentive to the needs of others rather than being caught up in how others are NOT meeting your needs.
Managing your thoughts is giving directions to yourself on how to think and what to think. This ‘mindset hack’ is a proactive approach to intentionally focus on others before insecurity gets the best of you.
And…
The most important thing I can say is to always rely on the power of the Holy Spirit. He is the ultimate coach!
John 14:16-17 (New Life Version)
“Then I will ask My Father and He will give you another Helper. He will be with you forever. He is the Spirit of Truth.“
The following verses also encourage me to keep working on this area of my life:
Philippians 2:3-4 (New Life Version)
“Nothing should be done because of pride or thinking about yourself. Think of other people as more important than yourself. Do not always be thinking about your own plans only. Be happy to know what other people are doing.”
I Chronicles 16:11 (NLV)
“Look to the Lord and ask for His strength. Look to Him all the time.”
I would love to hear from you. Do you struggle with insecurity in group settings? And… if your someone I might run into out in the world, look for the twinkle in my eye next time we meet and know that I’m thinking… THERE you are!
Dear Lori 🙂
Thank you so much for posting this. Yes, I struggle so much to with all the same attacks. “Who do you think you are? What do you have to say? Why should anyone want to listen to you? You can’t even speak nice. You don’t have enough charisma, enough knowledge. Your too disorganized. Who are you fooling?” Oh my and on and on and on…
Lori you are a gift, wonderful, beautiful, smart, caring, attententive, a GREAT LEADER and a GREAT SPEAKER or and….a great writer! I’m so grateful to know you and have you as a part of my life every week in our little study together. Thanks for being you because I like you YOU JUST EXACTLY THE WAY YOU ARE!
Love,
April
April!
I just have so much love for you! Thank you for always being your authentic self and sharing from your heart. I’m grateful we can keep encouraging each other on this faith journey!!
Yes yes yes!! Who CANT relate to this!! Ugh! This is super encouraging (as always!) I love you and I’m so thankful to be on this journey of life with you!!
Wendy,
I always find it fascinating when you relate to my insecurity. You have such a gift of connecting with people that I just assume it’s not a struggle for you. And… a big thank you for sharing the ‘THERE you are’ example with me years ago. Much love to you!!
Hi Lori. Well as unique as we all are how is it we can have almost identical weird thoughts about ourselves? This is also a daily struggle for me. “There You are”vs “here I am” is a game changer. Lately I have been attempting to realize other people may also feel a little insecure in groups or wherever. I am not alone and I need to get out of the victim star of mind by remembering to not criticize how God made me. That being said every time I go under it does give me the awful anxiety before I catch it. Being more aware of my “less-than” behavior (due to Holy Spirit helping me to see) has helped me take authority over whatever spirit may be attacking me. I rebuke it in Jesus’ name and claim my worth. A friend was helping me be more assertive in protecting my self worth. How could I not be worth something!!!!! So this is just a piece of ongoing growth. Thank you Lori. Peace be with you!!?
Janelle,
I love your phrase, “more assertive in protecting my self worth.” THAT is the message I’m wanting to get across. Managing our thoughts by the power of the Holy Spirit is the answer. Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to share your heart!
Blessings!
So good, Lori! I just love the “There you are” mentality! That’s wonderful!
So are you! I love you, friend!!
Isn’t it such a helpful phrase to focus on as we meet with other people? Love you so much Kelly!
Hi Lori,
There YOU are…
So simple and so powerful at the same time.
Not only will this phrase help me to fight off my anxious thoughts – it reminds me to be a better friend – to look out for the interests of others. Thanks so much for sharing this –
I appreciate you –
Jilliann
Jilliann,
Yes… it is such a simple but powerful phrase! Thanks for stopping by and I look forward to the launch of your website this month.??
may i use your quote on a sign i can paint? “Your thoughts create, etc? It is so right on. i will put your name on it as author.
HI Kathee,
Isn’t that such a great thought! I got it from Natalie Bacon who I’m sure is quoting Brooke Castillo… so… I think you should definitely put it on a sign, just not sure who to attribute it to. ?
Lori, such a great word and such great timing as I walk into a courtroom full of people for jury duty!!! You always speak such words of wisdom!