It was a long, sad walk back to my car from the cancer center. I know all the promises in God’s Word: all things work together for good, He will never leave you nor forsake you, etc. etc. (I wanted to write blah, blah, blah but thought that was heading toward might-get-struck-by-lightning-bolt status so I opted for etc, etc.). While all those Bible verses are true, at that moment I was just very, very sad. My body was physically reacting to the sadness, making it hard to breathe. I must have been quite the sight as I walked the construction obstacle course back to my car.
Between the gasps and tears the one thought I couldn’t shake was —
I am in desperate need of prayer.
It was a sense of urgency. I need to ask people to pray for me in spite of the not so glamorous area needing prayer! And even more than prayer for healing or God’s direction, I wanted prayer for my emotional well-being.
I have fought against fear before (you can read about that here) and it can be an exhausting battle. Our words matter, both spoken and thought, in the fight. The way I talk to myself is a key weapon to winning the mind skirmishes. And… the words we speak fuel the inner self-talk, whether positive or negative.
A few days later I was at a Bible study sitting around a table with four other ladies. Each one was asking me for an update and I heard myself answer with a guarded hint of faith and a BIG dose of doom and gloom. As the evening went on, I felt such conviction for how I responded. Here I was, the leader of this small group, and I was leading others toward doubt and discouragement. And furthermore, who am I to question God?!
I am SO blessed! How could I NOT trust Him?
I’m alive today because He healed me.
I’m a mom because He chose me.
I’m married to THE kindest man because of God’s kindness to me.
WARNING: This is about to get preachy for a moment. Just know I’m preaching to myself more than anyone else.
There’s a verse in the Bible that says, “…take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.” (James 3:4 NIV)
The whole verse is comparing the tongue to a rudder.
Wherever the pilot wants to go!
Where do I want to go?
Deeper in faith or deeper in fear?
I MUST pilot with my words, spoken or thought, TOWARD faith and away from fear.
This song is where I’m living these days. Don’t leave this page until you’ve listened.
Pass the offering plate. Hah!