(This was the big day in Aug 2009) The wig looked terrible. How could I have loved it so much when I bought it? What was wrong? It was not hanging right, seemed so flat. We were minutes from walking out the door to go to church and this last step of putting on my hair was becoming a growing disaster.
This was to be my first outing with the new “do.” I had not anticipated having any trouble. My plan was to throw the thing on and off we go. Now the whole family was offering both wanted and unwanted suggestions on how to make it look better. I felt like a fool. I should have been more prepared, but then again, how do you prepare for instant baldness?
This “transitioning to no hair” weekend had been packed full of every emotion. It was happening whether I was ready for it or not. Now it was a matter of the best approach, managing the inevitable. Saturday was the day. I had so much hair dropping off of me that I couldn’t even enter the house. I was stalling by doing some yard work, all the while feeling like cobwebs and spiders were crawling down my neck, back and arms. This was it. Take control. Face up to it.
Eddie and I gathered the kids on the back deck armed with camera, video recorder, scissors and clippers. Our goal was to make light of it and have everyone participate. Our 3 year old, Olivia, went first. She had a little pair of scissors and began cutting on my hair, although she seemed to be aiming for my ear most of the time. Jessica, 13 years, was next. She sculpted a whole design that actually looked quite good if my hair would just stay in place. Next was Cory, 9, who made final chops having a good laugh.
I was holding it together pretty well until Ed pulled out the clippers. The fun and games were over for me at this point, and cold, stark reality was there again. I was a mess. Covering my eyes, I wept as he shaved the remaining hairs down to a half inch. Pictures of my mom battling cancer passed through my mind. My heart was breaking all over again for what she had endured. I can’t even remember how she handled losing her hair, whether she shaved it or let nature take its course.
The silent prayers were flooding my mind. I was humiliated and devastated, but mostly praying for my family. I just want them to be okay with this, knowing that God loves our family so much. Our response is to love Him back and stay calm. God really does have everything in control.
It’s a point of surrender. Even my hair belongs to God. I know that He is working all things for my good, and there is a purpose even when I can’t clearly see it. a pastor recently said, “God will think about your life in ways you never will.” I guess that’s what makes Him God.
We eventually made it to church. God blessed me with some amazing comments about my new “haircut.” He had to be chuckling when one lady grabbed me, hugged me and said, “See. I told you, you wouldn’t lose your hair. I’ve been praying.” I was SO grateful for that comment. I was going to make it through this- one surrendering step at a time- whether hair today or gone tomorrow.
2 Corinthians 4:17-18 “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
Once again I have goose bumps up and down my arms and tears streaming down my cheeks. You are so amazing. I just went through an ordeal today that I know God put into place just by all of the things that went on that led up to it. (See my newest post, I’m a Mommy Again.) I don’t know all the scriptures that you do to put one with it but it would be nice if you had one for it. I could use one right now.
I really love you Lori and I love reading your posts. I wish there was one every day.
You are always so encouraging!! I did read your blog updates. Pretty amazing!! I will be thinking of some scripture verses for you. The first one that came to mind is Philippians 4:13: “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” Many blessings to you!!
Sooooo good!! Wow do I remember that txt pic you sent me! You were (and still are) sooo brave! I am so proud of you friend for how well you went through all of the “stuff” that comes along with having cancer and chemo!! So glad we are on this side of it all. (Did you catch I said we) haha!
I love how you said “we” because without a doubt… I wouldn’t have made it without you. Love you!
Laugh, snif, laugh, snif…you are wonderful. I love the lady at church…God bless her!
Thanks Janet! The lady at church was a definite “God moment” for me.
Alright, i cried! You are INCREDIBLE and so is your writing:) And I loveeee the picture! So pretty!!! love you!
Yay!! You cried!! Mission accomplished. Love you!!
Beautiful Lori!!!! You handle all that is thrown at you with SUCH grace and strength!! Amazing.
Thank you, Kelly. Your prayers and support through it all was such a blessing to me!!
I can only imagine, and it brings tears to my eyes, what it was like to go through your own pain, struggles and humiliation AND to relive your experience with your own mom. You are one brave sanctified lady. I am edified everytime I read your latest post.
Thanks so much, Carol. God’s grace is beyond amazing. It really was all okay because of Him.
I get a lot out of you sharing your feelings as all this was upon you. Hearing how God was walking with you is very encouraging.
Thank you for sharing
Dave! You found me. I’m so happy to have you following my blog. Thanks for your very kind words!!
What an incredibly difficult situation.
You handled it with grace and style.
Thanks so much! So glad you stopped by!
Lori, your countenance during your “season of cancer” was glorious. “When I think about the Lord, how He saved you, how He raised you, how He picked you up and turned you around, how He placed your feet on solid ground – It makes me want to shout!” My heart sores in celebration of all God has done in you and through you, what a journey. I’m beyond excited to see how God will use you and your testimonies in the lives of the new women God is placing in your path. You are an inspiration my friend, thank-you for your transparency. Love you my friend. ❤️ Monika
Monika! You made me cry when you quoted that song. Thanks for all the support through everything! Love you!