(…a bit more…)

Part of my cancer treatment included three sessions of internal radiation. I didn't know this even existed, this abnormal process of trying to kill off microscopic cancer cells near the tumor site.  It had to be a group of mad scientists who came up with such a thing!

As I arrived at Stanford for the first treatment, fear was again accompanying me every step of the way.  I was to change into a hospital gown and then the nurse would begin medicating me.  The idea was to find a balance between pain meds and tranquilizers.

The morphine slowly began to take effect and the procedure was started.  Because the type of cancer I had was uterine, you can imagine where tubes, cylinders and markers were being inserted.  Several x-rays were then taken and all medical personnel disappeared for an hour and a half to run calculations…making a treatment plan.  My part was to now lie perfectly still and wait.

Eddie came in to chat and help the time move along quickly.  About a half an hour into the waiting, my pain became unbearable.  Tears were beginning to flow.  Ed called for the nurse.  I was given more morphine.  The nausea and pressure subsided a bit as the entourage of doctors returned.  They had a plan and began moving equipment into place for this next phase.

"Let's get cookin'," came flying out of the new resident's mouth as the whole room stared at him in horror.  It was not the appropriate signal to give just before administering radiation.  The room cleared out.  Everyone, but me, left…standing behind a thick, massive wall- safely protected from the particles that were about to fill the room.

The actual treatment took only about 15 minutes.  In my altered state i prayed as best I could for complete healing.  Though everyone had so carefully left and shielded themselves from the nuclear matter, I knew I wasn't really alone.  I found myself again relating to Joseph in the book of Genesis.  Even though he was unfairly imprisoned, chapter 39 repeatedly states that God was with him (verses 21,23).  God was with me and I confidently knew it.  He would not leave me now.

The physicist was the first to slowly re-enter the room, armed with a geiger counter "gun."  I assumed it was telling him if all was clear- no stray particles floating around.  My mind resorted to the familiar phrase, "This cannot be good for a person."

He gave the thumbs up signal.  Doctors and nurses came flooding back in.  It was done.  I had made it through session number one.  Thank you, Lord, for choosing to stay by my side even when all others had fled.  You truly will never leave me nor forsake me.  I love you so much and pray that I will be as loyal to you as you are to me.

2 Timothy 2:13   "He will remain faithful- even if we are faithless."

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Peace is possible in the midst of broken pieces of your life. We can live life by design and create a beautiful picture of God’s faithfulness... even in the midst of brokenness. Join me on this journey and sign up to receive blog posts in your inbox.

Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in you alone.

Psalm 33:22 (NLT)

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