(…more of my story…)
It felt like I was having an out of body experience. I heard myself saying…"In a way, facing such a difficult time with surgeries and scary diagnoses was a blessing because it produced such a dependency on God. I miss that vibrancy it brought to my spiritual life."
Surely I didn't just say that. That's like inviting God to let me have it so my prayer life will ignite again. I began silently promising God that I would get back on track with my devotions. No life-threatening trial was needed.
Several days later I was at my first routine appointment with the surgeon. He had put me on a schedule of meeting with him every 3 months. I had no anticipation of anything being wrong even though some spotting had occurred. As the Dr. wheeled back from the table he began matter of factly discussing treatment options. I interrupted him to clarify what he was saying. "Are you telling me the cancer is back?"
"Yes," he said and went on to ask if I was available that evening to have surgery to remove it. He was 90% sure it was cancer. A biopsy was needed immediately.
Stunned and dazed do not even begin to describe what I was feeling. I couldn't believe God would actually zap me this fast just to get me back on my knees. Although I clearly know that's not how God operates, it was a point of discussion between Him and me.
God loves me unconditionally. Period. Do I love Him that same way? What are the conditions I have placed on Him or assumed He has put on me? I want God to know that I love him so much. The best way to accomplish this is to spend time with Him and trust Him.
Psalm 143:8 "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."
So, I am looking forward to a new depth in my relationship with Christ. And, a far as my previous "out-of-body" moment, I'm reminded that to literally be out of this body is to be present with Christ.
2 Corinthians 5:8 "we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord."
Talk about vibrancy!!
I say I want to live totally depending on God.
Wow, Thank you for reminding me to depend totally on the Lord always! This is so good! I can't wait to read the next one. : ) Love you!
Soooo good! 🙂 I love it! And you!!! 🙂
soooo good!!! :o)
Me too, Robin!
Thanks, Liz! Love you!
Thanks Brookeeeee! Love you!
Thanks, Wendy!! Love you!
to have thses thoughts while going through something so scary really shows how amazing your heart is! Love this (and you)!!
Love you, Kelly! Thanks SO much for reading!
A very good reminder, Lori, to live "vibrantly" all the time.
Thank you!!! And… so true!