(…more of my story…)

It felt like I was having an out of body experience.  I heard myself saying…"In a way, facing such a difficult time with surgeries and scary diagnoses was a blessing because it produced such a dependency on God.  I miss that vibrancy it brought to my spiritual life."

Surely I didn't just say that.  That's like inviting God to let me have it so my prayer life will ignite again.  I began silently promising God that I would get back on track with my devotions.  No life-threatening trial was needed.  

Several days later I was at my first routine appointment with the surgeon.  He had put me on a schedule of meeting with him every 3 months.  I had no anticipation of anything being wrong even though some spotting had occurred.  As the Dr. wheeled back from the table he began matter of factly discussing treatment options.  I interrupted him to clarify what he was saying.  "Are you telling me the cancer is back?"

"Yes," he said and went on to ask if I was available that evening to have surgery to remove it.  He was 90% sure it was cancer.  A biopsy was needed immediately.

Stunned and dazed do not even begin to describe what I was feeling.  I couldn't believe God would actually zap me this fast just to get me back on my knees.  Although I clearly know that's not how God operates, it was a point of discussion between Him and me.  

God loves me unconditionally.  Period.  Do I love Him that same way?  What are the conditions I have placed on Him or assumed He has put on me?  I want God to know that I love him so much.  The best way to accomplish this is to spend time with Him and trust Him. 

Psalm 143:8 "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."

So, I am looking forward to a new depth in my relationship with Christ.  And, a far as my previous "out-of-body" moment, I'm reminded that to literally be out of this body is to be present with Christ.
2 Corinthians 5:8   "we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord."

Talk about vibrancy!!

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