(continuing with my story…)
What is the first thing you do when the possibility of chemotherapy is looming over you? Schedule a hair appointment of course! The works- highlights (2 different colors) cut and style. I don't know if it was a feeling of wanting to still be in control of the destiny of my hair or just pure vanity. Whatever the reason, my hair was ready for anything. If it was doomed to be lost, it would gracefully accept the sentence all the while looking quite stunning as it left my head.
Because of the quick return of the uterine cancer, all kinds of treatments were being discussed. This was the first time serious talk of chemo was happening. For now, I had to get through the next surgery of removing the cancer from my colon. After that, my doctors would reconvene and begin making decisions on follow-up treatment.
Chemotherapy is a word that strikes sheer terror in me. I have watched it, up close and personal, slowly take the life of one close to me. My mom did not survive the power of it and very emphatically stated that if she had it to do all over again, she would not have chemo.
Fear is a force to be reckoned with. It can stalk you silently for awhile – almost undetected at times, then at a moment of weakness- pounce on your mind, leaving you strangled in its clutches. Psalm 46:1-2a states that "God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. therefore we will not fear…" The passage goes on to list horrible things that could happen. To sum it up, God is… therefore, …period. God is. What a powerful statement. God is. Do you believe it or not? No matter the issue, God is. I feel like shouting, "Get thee behind me fear. My God is."
As my family and I walk through this decision, I know God will direct us. Psalm 46 ends by stating, "The Lord Almighty is with us."
Fear is not invited on this leg of the race. God is.