For a moment, the medical team froze in place as silence enveloped the room. I’m talking absolute silence—the kind of silence that holds a reverberating echo of what-did-he-just-say?!
Here’s the back story—
When I was going through treatment for cancer, I was given many options to consider, but the one treatment all four of my doctors insisted on was internal radiation (brachytherapy). I was being treated for uterine cancer, so… internal radiation would include a procedure of inserting cylinders to zap the cancerous areas. I had heard that the pressure could be nearly intolerable.
Eddie and I arrived at Stanford early one Wednesday morning after a long (and in my opinion treacherous!) drive over the Santa Cruz mountains. We were taken to the hospital basement through a labyrinth of long hallways to prep for the radiation treatment.
My nerves were on high alert and I was having a hard time settling down. The nurses explained that they would need me as calm as possible for the procedure to be a success. After being given a sufficient amount of morphine for my nerves and the upcoming pain, I was able to somewhat relax (though now I felt nauseous from the drug).
Next, I was wheeled into a huge room filled with intimidating machinery and half a dozen doctors ready to take x-rays and measurements. 15 minutes later, equipment was looming over me and inserted in me, which was SUPER uncomfortable.
Just as I was thinking I was almost done, surprise! My radiation oncologist explained that I needed to stay completely unmoving with all the equipment in place for the next 90 MINUTES. while my medical team ran calculations and came up with a treatment plan.
Eddie was allowed to come in and chat with me, but I was in so much pain, he had to quickly find a nurse to administer more morphine. Finally, my doctor along with several residents returned and explained they were ready to administer the radiation.
After doing a final check of the equipment placed in and around me, a tall, overly-outgoing resident said… and I quote… “Let’s get cookin’!”
Let’s get cookin’!
(It’s more than okay to gasp right here.)
THAT was the ‘everything’s-good-to-go’ phrase he chose to announce he was ready to administer internal radiation!
The whole room went silent as the other doctors shot him a horrified look.
Quickly, Eddie was escorted out and the remaining doctors scurried to a protective area enclosed by a THICK wall to shield them from the particles that were about to fly.
In other words, I was left completely alone — and in a lot of pain —to “cook”.
Hah!
(funny NOT funny!!)
When in your life have you you felt all alone?
You know, those times when life is difficult and you’re in pain and no one else can go through it with you or for you?
There’s a super effective way to pray Psalm 46:10 that has really helped me know I’m not alone when going through a challenging season.
It’s a way to catch your breath, slow down, and relax into the Presence of Jesus.
Here’s what you do:
- Say Psalm 46:10 aloud:
Be still and know that I am God.
- Then, prayerfully repeat it, leaving off one word each time. And as you do that, pause and reflect on how that impacts you. Trust me… praying the verse this way will bring a fresh focus on God, right there in the midst of whatever you’re facing.
Try it with me:
Be still and know that I am God.
Be still and know that I am
Be still and know that I
Be still and know that
Be still and know
Be still and
Be still
Be
Here’s how this might have looked if I’d prayed this while I “cooked”. Hah (again…. funny, NOT funny).
Be still and know that I am God—– I thank you, Lord, for your Presence with me in THIS moment.
Be still and know that I am— YOU are my healer, my provider, and my shepherd.
Be still and know that I— Jesus, I just want to know You more, especially in this season of uncertainty.
Be still and know that— I know THAT You will never leave me nor forsake me. My hope is in You
Be still and know—Please increase my awareness of You, my knowledge of you, and my love for you.
Be still and— and?? What is God speaking to my heart as I journey through a miserable experience of cancer treatment? Lord, You are more than enough.
Be still— Well, I have no other choice, but to be still and quiet. Please, Jesus, meet me in the stillness.
Be— Lord, help me BE in your presence in this moment, throughout this day, and throughout the long road of recovery ahead of me.
You know, I really did feel God’s presence with me that day, right there in the middle of a tough cancer treatment appointment– in spite of an awkward resident saying something SO dorky!
And in recent years since learning about this prayer technique, it has been my go-to way of reminding myself that I’m not alone. Praying Psalm 46:10 helps me experience the comfort of Jesus with me no matter what I’m facing.
Friend, this week when you feel that no one understands what you’re going through, quietly pray the pattern prayer of Psalm 46:10, inviting Jesus into the stillness.
And when you get to the last word—BE—exhale slowly and thank God for being with you.
That’s your marching orders for today. Now… Let’s get cookin’!! Hah! (still funny NOT funny)
