So Much Waiting

“Not one person has liked or commented on my Facebook post today,” I lamented to Eddie as we wound our way over the mountain freeway to Stanford.

I had linked to my latest blog post Friday the 13th asking for prayer for my upcoming procedure and out-of-whack emotions.  Having no-one respond was clearly not encouraging, and I began to wonder if everyone was as over my ongoing medical journey as I was.

We pulled into Stanford with not much time to spare— surprising I know, considering who was driving!  Ed dropped me off in the crazy valet parking line in front of the cancer center. I was grateful to miss the claustrophobic parking garage which Ed said was more chaotic than ever.

I was a last-minute add-on to the surgery schedule, so, unfortunately, I was given a 1:30 time slot which meant I was STARVING!  This was to be an “exam under anesthesia”, making sure some recent findings were not cancerous.  In MY mind, we would be back on the road by 5:00, eating wherever I wanted.

It was an uneventful check-in, weigh-in and starting the IV.  If you’ve followed my blog at all, then you know IV’s are extremely challenging to get going on me, so I was thankful.  No pain and only one stick!

Eddie was allowed to come back and hang out with me in the pre-op room.  It was kind of a ghost town back there, with only 2 other patients waiting their turn.  The nurse began timidly updating us to the possibility of a delay with my doctor who was stuck in a surgery that was running late.  I didn’t panic, I mean, I was hungry, but a little delay is not that big of a deal and we had found a TV station running a marathon of Seinfeld episodes.

FOUR EPISODES LATER, I was STILL waiting. Everyone was gone from pre-op except my nurse, Eddie and me. The nurse was getting a bit antsy to shut down the unit and get off work. She was probably starving too!

After another hour, she moved me to the recovery room, wished me luck and clocked out, leaving me with more waiting and no TV.

FIVE HOURS after checking in, I was finally being wheeled to the Operating Room.  My doctor explained she had been stuck in another doctor’s surgery, basically twiddling her thumbs waiting to do a tiny procedure.

TWENTY MINUTES later I was back in recovery.  As I came to, I felt so good!  This was the first time in recovery that I wasn’t nauseas at all.

Meanwhile, everyone was trying to track down Ed- who had no idea I would be out so quickly.  Poor guy… he was trying to spend the $5 meal ticket Glenda from Guest Relations had given him as a sort of apology for the long wait.  Problem was, all the food places had closed!

My doctor personally found him down in the pharmacy line, which was also closing!  She informed Ed that she had taken 2 biopsies and would call us with the results.

We were on the road by 7:30 and eating corn chowder at Mimi’s by 8.

So much waiting!!

Waiting to eat, waiting for surgery, waiting for likes/comments on Facebook, waiting for biopsy results, WAITING TO BE PAST ALL OF THIS!

Are there benefits to waiting? Can anything good come of delays in life?

I love this definition of faith:  Faith is waiting to let God work.

It’s a surrender to letting the plan God has for our lives unfold in his way and in his timing.

Romans 1:17 ends with the phrase, “The righteous will live by faith.”

Or… we could say…

The righteous will live by waiting to let God work.

God is doing so much in my life through this season of waiting on him.  It’s not easy, but it’s definitely beneficial.  There’s a deepening in my relationship with him that I’ve never experienced. He is showing me the depth of his love as my Heavenly Father. 

As we headed home, I once again clicked on Facebook and realized I had accidentally tapped the privacy setting on my post, making it visible only to me.  Within seconds of correcting this, so many friends and family were responding with encouraging comments and promises to pray.  The timing was perfect as the prayers carried me through the week until I heard from my doctor yesterday………..

The biopsies came back as not cancer!

My prayer for you is that you would live by faith.

Live by waiting to let God work.

As I’ve said before…He’s worth the wait!

 

 

 

Friday the 13th

Well… I heard from my doctor on Wednesday and I am headed to Stanford tomorrow.  She’s calling it an exam under anesthesia.

What on earth does that even mean?

I’ll tell you what it means:

SURGERY!

  • There’s a home prep involved.
  • 2 hour early arrival
  • a weigh-in
  • Attempted removal of my wedding ring
  • An IV
  • An operating room
  • High probability she will cut something out
  • Pain in the recovery room
  • A queasy ride home with Ed speeding over highway 17
  • And soreness for DAYS!

How’s that for an optimistic outlook?

AND… let us not forget…

IT’S FRIDAY THE 13TH!

Yes, I’m feeling sorry for myself.  I cried when I hung up the phone and even accused Ed of not having enough sympathy for me.  I’m being a baby and I know it.

But… here is the Voskamp quote of the day that I am clinging to:

“Be a prayer warrior not a panicked worrier.” 

And that’s where you come in.

Would you pray for me?  Would you pray that this exploratory appointment goes smoothly and nothing scary shows up? If I cross your mind tomorrow, I’d love prayer for my emotional well-being too.

Psalm 112:7. “He (ok, SHE) will have no fear of bad news; his (HER) heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.”

I really do trust Him!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Broken and in Need of Repair

My Bible was open to Psalm 139 on the kitchen table.  My good friend, Kelly, and I had decided to have our homeschool class memorize it for this month’s memory work.  Just before I stepped away, verse 1 caught my attention: “Oh Lord, you have searched me and you KNOW me.”

I have read this verse countless times, but this time it grabbed my heart.  God KNOWS me.   And I’m hard to get to know!  He knows all about me: my brokenness, my shame, my failures and even just my personality.

Verse 3 ends with, “You are familiar with ALL my ways.  Oh my!  My crazy, dysfunctional ways!  He’s aware of my wrong attitudes and ALL the ways I struggle.

Ann Voskamp in her book The Broken Way states, “Jesus is the most attracted to the busted and sees the broken as the most beautiful.”

Wow.  I must be absolutely irresistible to Him!  Hah!

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately.  Jesus is attracted to my weaknesses.  He is drawn to my broken places.

A while back Eddie and I got a phone call summoning us to the principal’s office at our son’s school.  We had no information other than it was serious and we needed to come asap.

Talk about a stomach dropping feeling!

We arrived to find Cory sitting with 2 administrators.  The atmosphere was very solemn and we braced ourselves for the impact of what had transpired.  Through his tears, Cory shared his heart.

I sat there fighting all the emotions of sadness, anger and shock.  Finally, Ed asked if we could speak with Cory alone.  As the administrators left the room, I wondered how Ed was going to let him have it.

Slowly… Eddie got up from his chair beside me, crossing the room to our son.  Cory was looking down, unable to look his father in the eye. Ed quietly knelt down beside his chair, placing his hand on Cory’s shoulder.

“Son. I love you so very much. Nothing you do will EVER change that. Your mom and I will walk beside you through this. NOTHING can change how much we love you.”

Cory was undone.  (And so was his mom!)

His brokenness and repentance drew us to him.  Because of his heart, the administrators were more than willing to work with him.  Because of his humility, we were ready to do whatever it took to restore him.

Ed literally acted out what Christ does in our lives.  Jesus comes alongside us in our hurts and offers his unconditional love.   He reaches out to our broken places offering hope and help, restoration and reconciliation.

Voskamp goes on to say, “What seems to be undoing you can ultimately remake you.  What if the deeper you know your own brokenness, the deeper you can experience your own belovedness.”

Cory gave me permission to share a piece of his story.  He is doing so well and our family has grown closer through the struggles.  Eddie and I are working to stay close to each of our kids; to mentor them and love them in and through their brokenness.

I wanna be more like Jesus!

Or at least a bit more like Ed!  Hah.  …Maybe that can be my new motto:  What Would Eddie Do?!  #WWED