Counting on God

Luke 12:7  “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  Don’t be afraid;  you are worth more than many sparrows.”

That verse has taken on a whole new meaning for me today.  Let’s just say there are way less follicles to count.  My hair is now leaving in clumps.  It’s pretty disturbing.  I’m going to look like I have the mange before long.

The Scripture says, “Don’t be afraid.”  My first though is, “Easy for you to say.”  I really thought I’d be handling this better, but in all honesty, I’m terrified.  I feel a certain responsibility to get through this well especially for the sake of others.  I’ve got to pull it together so my children don’t go over the edge in despair.  Also, my friends and family are watching me to get their cues on how to respond.

This leaves me only one option.  Look to God.  I’m not going to make it unless I keep my eyes on my Heavenly Father.  He knows me intimately and still loves me- even likes me.  He’s not numbering the hairs on my head to determine if I have enough to be of value.  He’s counting because every detail of me is valuable to Him.  God cares about my individual hairs.  Isn’t that amazing?

As my incessant shedding continues, I know it’s going to be a difficult day.  I also know it will be okay.  My little trash can is quite full of hair, but then…who’s counting?  God is, that’s who!  And you know what?  I’m counting on God, too!

Hair Abandonment

(end of August, 2009…)

My hair is abandoning me.  Leaving my head as fast as it can. Not even willing to stick around for the second treatment.  I’m not sure how to handle it.  There’s no plan of attack that I’m comfortable with.  Do I cut it super short or even shave it?  When does the wig come in to play?  Should I start wearing hats and scarves during this thinning phase?  … Never mind it’s the middle of summer.

Accessorizing has never been a strong point for me.  I don’t have the gift of pulling just the right jewelry together to make an outfit come alive.  Not only that, I just don’t really care.  It’s not me.  I’m more simple in a laid back, classy sort of way.  So, this is a huge dilemma.  My personality would want to take the easy road which in this case would be a bald head.  That could be a bit much for all those around me, namely my children.  And, I’m not confident I could handle it with all the unwanted attention it would create.

Another dimension to all this is the extreme disappointment I feel toward God. I still completely trust Him, just dealing with disappointment.  You see, I have this large group of people praying for me and many of them were just sure God would let me keep my hair.  Individuals would be almost giddy as they would tell me, “We’re praying you don’t lose your hair.”  Then, when the predicted “day 14 hair loss day” passed without any drastic changes to my scalp, we were all encouraged that God was in it.  He was going to show me favor in this area, His way of letting me know He’s there.  Our hopes were soon dashed as day 15 began with handfuls of my golden locks dropping off my head.

Disappointment is a tricky thing where God is concerned.  It seems a little bit like betrayal on my part for feeling that way.  But, God already knows how I’m feeling, so it makes perfect sense that I honestly share my thoughts with Him.  Who better to lead me through the maze of emotions than the sovereign, all-knowing god, who just happens to be my personal Savior, Heavenly Father, and all-around best friend?  He will walk through this hairless phase of my life with me all the while providing strength for each day.  I even believe God will help me find my own little style.  He cares that much.

So, while my hair continues to desert me, I am more than comforted with the knowledge that God will not abandon me.  He will even accompany me to the next treatment.  Believe me, if He’s not going… neither am I.

Matthew 6:34  “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.”