The room became a frenzy of motion minutes after making the decision to have chemotherapy. My doctor was whipping out notepads and rattling off instructions like nobody's business. He was ordering lab tests and writing out multiple prescriptions while my head began to swim. It was a feeling of no turning back. I think he wanted to seal the deal before I could get away.
Reality was hitting me. I needed to slow things down and reconfirm my decision. I began probing my usually calm doctor who had just transformed into this version of mad-scientist-chemo-guy. My first question was simply, "Am I going to make it through this?"
"Yes," he answered.
"I have three kids," I reminded him.
"Yes. You will do fine. You'll make it."
"My youngest child is three years old," I countered.
"You'll make it," he repeated.
"Oh," was his reply as he turned to face me. I now clearly had his attention. The affirmative response was not coming so quickly.
We smiled at each other as he processed this final piece of the puzzle. I thought to myself… he gets it. He understands this all-consuming lifestyle we have chosen. This is not a quick yes, you'll make it, type of fact. His answer was wonderful, full of insight. He simply asked, "Do you have people that can help?"
This was an easy response for me. "Yes. I have great friends and family. I am so loved and supported."
"Then you will do just fine," he said.
It was a beautiful, calming moment in the middle of this medical chaos I seem to keep ending up in. Jesus, through my doctor, was getting the point across to me. I was going to make it because He was with me and I have many brothers and sisters in Christ who will not let me walk this path alone.
Colossians 1:17-18a "He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. And He is the head of the body, the church…"
It's an incredible support system. I'm going to be okay through this next season of treatment and perhaps even see my children thrive in their education. I'm taking Colossians 1:17 as a direct promise to me. In Jesus, all things will hold together.
"Am I going to make it, Lord?" I ask.
It's a resounding, "Yes. We will make it."
(I began chemo almost exactly one year ago today. This particular dr appt was mid-July, 2009)