(…more of my story…)
It felt like I was having an out of body experience. I heard myself saying…"In a way, facing such a difficult time with surgeries and scary diagnoses was a blessing because it produced such a dependency on God. I miss that vibrancy it brought to my spiritual life."
Surely I didn't just say that. That's like inviting God to let me have it so my prayer life will ignite again. I began silently promising God that I would get back on track with my devotions. No life-threatening trial was needed.
Several days later I was at my first routine appointment with the surgeon. He had put me on a schedule of meeting with him every 3 months. I had no anticipation of anything being wrong even though some spotting had occurred. As the Dr. wheeled back from the table he began matter of factly discussing treatment options. I interrupted him to clarify what he was saying. "Are you telling me the cancer is back?"
"Yes," he said and went on to ask if I was available that evening to have surgery to remove it. He was 90% sure it was cancer. A biopsy was needed immediately.
Stunned and dazed do not even begin to describe what I was feeling. I couldn't believe God would actually zap me this fast just to get me back on my knees. Although I clearly know that's not how God operates, it was a point of discussion between Him and me.
God loves me unconditionally. Period. Do I love Him that same way? What are the conditions I have placed on Him or assumed He has put on me? I want God to know that I love him so much. The best way to accomplish this is to spend time with Him and trust Him.
Psalm 143:8 "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."
So, I am looking forward to a new depth in my relationship with Christ. And, a far as my previous "out-of-body" moment, I'm reminded that to literally be out of this body is to be present with Christ.
2 Corinthians 5:8 "we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord."
Talk about vibrancy!!