(a look back at my journey through cancer)
There's something about a waiting room at a doctor's office that is both unsettling and bonding all at the same time. You find yourself in a room full of strangers knowing that a common thread has brought each one to a particular doctor. In this case, the bond was formed because of the "C" word. Cancer, or hints of it, was the glue sticking us together in this uncomfortable setting.
As I looked around I noticed women of all different ages. Several were younger than me and my heart immediately went out to them. What news must they be facing? Where had their course taken them so far? Who had already had surgery and who would be getting the news that day? There were several groups of three, mostly an older husband and wife with their adult daughter. I wondered which woman had the cancer – older or younger. Who was supporting who?
I was a young adult when I had accompanied my mom on many of her appointments during her battle with cancer. In fact, ironically enough, my mom was the age I am now when she was first diagnosed with breast cancer. What fear she must have experienced, yet she walked through it all so gracefully. Her journey lasted two years and then God mercifully called her home.
Many days I am battling my own thoughts of maybe I only have 2 years left like my mom. It's this strange mix of fear, grief and trust. To add to my mental drama, the date of my surgery is my mom's birthday. I know it's ridiculous to toy with these thoughts, but there is this sense of doom – of it being some kind of omen of terrible things to come.
As I take every thought captive and begin again acknowledging who God is and expressing my faith in Him, the Holy Spirit brings that ever-desired peace.
I will love the Lord, listen to His voice and hold fast to Him. Deuteronomy 30:20. I will be strong and courageous, not terrified, for the Lord my God goes with me. He will never leave me or forsake me. Deuteronomy 31:6.
Again this week I will find myself in another waiting room at a hospital. I will be there waiting with God, waiting on God and waiting for God. And, you know… He's worth the wait.
(original writing was August 2008, as I was facing a complete hysterectomy due to the pre-cancer cells mentioned in previous post)